peanuts first thanksgiving and etc.

peanuts new favorite thing to do now is stick out her tongue and blow bubbles, she also likes to rub the back of her head back and forth, she will lay on her blanket and turn her head from side to side and then gets this huge grin on her face. she also likes to sit up and rub her head on the couch, she is also starting to giggle more. 

it was funny at thanksgiving my grandma just kept saying oh shes really good like sooo good and i felt so proud to keep saying yeah she is.  we had my grandma, aunt, and cousin come to our house with my parents for thanksgiving it was nice to have everyone around for the holiday, it was especially nice to have something more to be thankful for,.... peanut, i know it hasn't been easy some days but i know i would never change a thing i would do it all again, shes worth it. not only is she the best baby, shes my baby. i know she is supposed to be mine and im supposed to be her mom, theres no other kid out there i would love like i love her.

she is also sleeping through the night from about 10:30-11:00 to 7:30-8:00 a.m. its been fantastic i finally feel semi-normal again.

so its now the night before i go back to work and it scares me to death, i worry about leaving peanut, about not being able to handle work, and if this is whats best for us.
i know financially for us, this has to happen but its still hard to do, there's one part of me thats so glad to get back to my "old life" and another thats used to staying home. seeing her every morning waking up and staying with her all day and waiting for dev to come home. then i remember how i want to go back and how bored i get when she naps and i have nothing to do, or how i cant even go out to the store anymore without packing like were going on a week long trip. so hopefully all goes well.

what to be today Peniguin or monkey?

i had bought peanut the penguin costume pretty much the moment i thought i was pregnant, i got it at smiths marketplace for like a dollar it was on a reduced rack and they were practically giving it away, i also had to beg dev to buy it he kept saying i dont know who you're buying that for? i convinced him i needed it.

now flash forward to two weeks before her first Halloween and even though it was the perfect size for her for halloween devin still wanted to go out and buy another costume  for her, he told me it was because he wanted to pick it out together he also said he didn't remember when we bought it so we went out and looked. we went to every childrens store we could think of finally at the last store we found a monkey costume for sizes  0-6 months it was still big on her but it was the closest thing we could find.

so on Halloween we first went to lunch with our bestest friends and then went home to get her ready, when we got the monkey costume on her it was still really big but i didn't say anything we took her over to my parents to get pictures with gamma and gampa, (this is how my mother now refers to herself and i cant judge cause peanuts so little and even by the time she will be able to talk grandma and grandpa vorwaller is really hard to say) back to the point, the monkey costume was so big you could only see her eyes poking out and it was hot on her so we took pics and then took it off, finally i told dev will you just run back to our house and get the penguin costume. he did and it fit perfectly like it was made for her and it looked so cute i loved it and since it was kind of cooler out side and it was fleece she didn't have to wear anything bulky underneath to keep her warm. i think she must have known she was cute in it to cause she kept looking around and smiling and yelling. we then took her to devs parents to get pics we got some with grandma and grandpa and even some with great grandma and of course peanut and our nephew teagan, he was woody from toy story.

the pictures we took with teagan and peanut are the cutest to me, they melt my heart, i have a very special place in my heart for teagan, being as i have no siblings i have no chance of having nieces or nephews on my side, so when teagan was born it was really cool especially since the older he got the more fun he is to me. hes a very fun kid and smart, sometimes so smart its scary.
while i was pregnant with peanut he would sit by me on the couch and put his hand on my stomach and every time peanut would kick like crazy, teagan would say thats baby peanut, once he even said ouch she kicked me it was hilarious, even now when teagan sees her he says hey thats peanut baby peanut.

this is the crap that needs to be cut

the first day alone with peanut (i mean like really alone dev was at work no one came over) was kinda scary i kept thinking am i doing everything right should she sleep this long should i wake her up to eat (yeah i know now if shes not awake dont wake her) i also remember talking to our dog beastmaster i know she wont talk but she is pretty much one of my bestest friends, it may sound dumb to some but shes my first baby i got her as an early birthday present a month after we were first married and i loved her the moment  met her i knew she was my dog. and she is the best dog (in my opinion) she laid next to me all through bed rest, she is excited to see me when ever i walk through the door, she even gained weight with me throughout my pregnancy. now if that isnt sacrifice i dont know what is. beastie is very protective of peanut, she cries when peanut cries, she loves just sitting by her shes always trying to be as close as she can to peanut. even the other day she tried to play catch with her she went and got her toy and brought it back and put the toy in peanuts hand then nudged her hand it was hilarious, i guess she thought it was time to teach peanut to play catch.

i know every parent thinks their kid is the smartest, so being peanuts mom she is the smartest to me, i also think she is judgmental i know shes not but sometimes the way she looks at me i think shes judging me, she gets this face of like oh really? it mostly happens when i talk to her in a child like tone, i first noticed it when she was about two weeks i would ask her if she was hungry or something like that she would then give me this why are you asking like that, thats not your real voice cut the crap, so i did. as soon as i started talking to her normally the more she enjoyed it, i will say one thing though i am offended at the fact she lets everyone else talk to her like that she even gets excited when others do it, but not mom.

a few weeks later dev was about to change peanut she started to cry and wail and get really upset he sat her down on our bed and held up a clean diaper and said im just gonna change your diaper its okay baby, to which she looked at him and said "o" then quieted down, dev immediately looked at me and said did you hear that? she also likes to make sounds that sound like yeah and hmmm but o seems to be her favorite.

oh crap! we have to take care of her now?

the first day home was a blur. all i remember is driving home and stopping to get chick-fil-a in the drive thru for lunch. the whole ride home all i could thing is oh crap were on our own now we have to take care of her. (cause to be honest i hated her being in the nicu but it was nice knowing she had the best care from the nicest nurses and to not worry even though i worried and didnt sleep)

the first few days went by so fast i was really sore and pretty much exhausted i am so thankful for everyone that came over and helped and just visited i was also thankful my husband was with me. again no one tells you about the hard part of children its fun and cute but as fun and cute as peanut is she is kinda overwhelming at times.

nine days after i had her i had a glitch we left peanut with my parents and went to the e.r. after 2 hours of waiting and thinking i was dying and never going to see peanut again. we found out i had a seroma in my incision (its a build up of fluid, its not infection its just not good either) so they had to pack it then i had to see my dr the next day. and i did, he opened my incision and that day we found out dev would have to pack it for me twice a day until it healed oh another tidbit they dont numb you when they do any of this and it was the worst pain of my life). gross i know trust me it was me it was happening to i can just imagine how bad it was for dev. i guess i have to realize Ive definitely got a keeper.

ladies you know a man loves you when he will perform a medical procedure on you twice a day and still tell you he finds you attractive. (i know im lucky). the next week dev took a day off to help me and my mom came over at night. my mother in law also came one day and brought me lunch and fed peanut while i ate and cleaned my kitchen it was soooo nice. i am so thankful for everyone that helped me those first days it was very helpful and it made it less lonely cause when you have a baby you feel lonely even though you are never alone!!

they dont teach you this in school

i started to go into "false labor" the first of sept. but was sent home not once not twice but three times, finally at our appointment on sept 16th the dr told me how my pelvis is misshapen and narrow and the only way i was going to deliver her that way is if my pelvis broke, he then asked what we wold like to do? he also asked us the how many children we wanted? which i know i had laughed and said i only wanted one but when you are faced with the thought and process of this is it, its heartbreaking i remember crying in the office and apologizing to devin i felt like i was a failure, i knew he wanted kids plural not kid and since he picked me this would be it.
we talked about it and decided that a c-section was the best option for us he scheduled it for 8:00 a.m. the next day.
i couldnt sleep at all that night finally at 4:45 i just got up and got ready. my mom went with us to the hospital all  i remember is getting really nervous and watching the clock  before it was time, they came in and put an i.v. in me then dev got suited up and we walked to the operating room they had me sit on this tiny table and gave me a spinal it took 4 tries but finally i was numb oh and youre also naked did i mention that!. i look back now and it went really fast they had dani out in like a few minutes, the dr kept talking about how gorgeous she is and how big she looked (she was only 7 lbs 15 oz and 21 inches she was born at 9:00 a.m. exactly) and all i remember is her not crying she had swallowed fluid they had to hurry and take her to the nicu dev went with her. they brought her over to me before they let and had me kiss her goodbye she spit on me i remember thinking i hope she makes it cause i will feel awful if the only memory i have is being grossed out by her cause she spit on me. they wheeled me back to my room where my mom was. and i started to puke, that was gross.


it took a few hours before i could see her and then i could only touch her foot it broke my heart i didnt get to hold her until almost midnight. i remember holding her and feeling so surreal like she is mine mine i dont have to give her back to anyone, i made her, it was the best feeling i had ever had. she was still hooked up to machines and her poor foot had a big i.v. in it but she was happy she opened her eyes like she knew i was her mom it was the best feeling in the world.

the next day was my 25th birthday, i had to laugh at how many times people would tell me oh you got the best birthday present and in all honesty i did but it sucks being in the hospital on your birthday especially when "your present" is on the other side of the hospital and you cant walk well. also that night dev got sick and had to leave so it was pretty crappy being alone and unable to go see her.


she stayed in the nicu for 4 days on monday night they brought her into our room, it was weird at first cause it was like oh thats right we had a baby and we have to take care of her. the next morning we went home.

no one ever tells you how overwhelming a baby is you get no sleep and especially no time to even just be alone its banana sandwich crazy.

the longest time of my life

At our 24 week ultrasound is when we found out dani had fluid around  her left kidney, actually i found out alone and called devin upset. he met me at home.

the next few weeks had us going to the dr's on a weekly bases to check her growth and the fluid i then developed pre-eclampsia and had to be put on bed rest in june. (june 14th to be exact.)
bed rest sucked it was a waste of days were i felt miserable and my only way of leaving the house was to go to the dr's two to three times a week. and every week was different one week she was going to come early the next we would wait it out, it was the longest 4 months of my life.

mid august we were told everything was starting to turn around and that he would let me go to my original due date of oct. 1, i know this sounds bad but at that moment its not what i wanted to hear. i was so mentally and emotionally prepared for her to come early that it was a disappointment to hear that, and i was told by hundreds of people "oh how great its better if she is still in there" but to be honest you have no clue what its like to go back and forth and back and forth you get to a point where youre done and i mean sooo done.

so thats what that is

we found out she was a girl in february, we actually found out really early what the sex was i remember the dr turning to dev and saying congrats dad its a girl. and he just sat there for a minute and said well its a girl! he also insisted at that very moment he had to buy her a dress her first dress to be exact and he did. my reaction was to cry, i know stupid right, but i had always known i would have a girl. not much more happened in february we both worked and continued to go to the dr. appointments


we moved in mid march, it rained that day and all i really remember thinking is we have too much crap.

the pee is dry.

I remember the day we found out we were pregnant with dani, we still lived in our bottom floor apartment and dev was just about to leave to work. in the month leading up to this i had taken over 200 dollars worth of pregnancy tests, i had a negative in every brand known to man and in every color might i add, ohh and even digital, it had become so discouraging i gave up, we had already started to have the "maybe kids arent for us talk." when  it happened i received my positive which is all in thanks to dev, cause lets face it im very stubborn and when im done with something IM DONE it takes a lot to convince me otherwise. well he just kept saying over and over i have a really good feeling just take a test and i guess that paid off.
 I was amazed how changed i felt at that minute, even though i know nothing actually changed i was still the same.
i also remember when we first started telling people i was surprised by how many werent as excited as i thought they'd be and others who i thought could care less were really supportive.we also started calling her peanut i got it from swen at work i thought it was so cute and at the time she was the size of a peanut so i thought "and it shall be peanut", and it was.
it took us about a month before we officially had the word out i remember dev telling his mom by writing "THE PEE IS DRY" on a magnadoodle (i know what youre thinking but its because his mom once told us we couldnt keep secrets and that if we were ever to have kids we wouldnt even wait until the pee was dry to tell people.)

 during this same time we were also looking to buy a house, and long story short we bought the house behind my parents i know creepy, weird, and strange all rolled into one and when i say behind i mean litterally in back of my parents house, we share the back wall.