some days i count my blessings twice

time... its a funny thing i look back now and think WOW if you would have told me ten years ago, heck 5 years ago this is where i'd be i wouldnt have believed you but i am so thankful im here i have so much more than i ever thought worthy of, and since this is the time of year that makes me remember all that i have, i thought i'd write about it what im thankful for..

first-----my parents--- im an only child so in lamens terms that means  i had no one in my house hold to blame anything on, it sucks looking back but the greatest thing about being an only child is you dont have to share, your parents that is, i know that sounds selfish and it i,s i would love to share but since i dont have to i wont, i will however share anything else.
my parents are amazing they are the two most in love people i have ever known they have that "perfect" marriage the kind where you just hate those two people, yep thats them but i dont hate it. i loved growing up knowing my parents were so happy they gave me a great example of what i needed and deserved in a spouse, how to be a good person and accept everyone just as they are, and most of all they have taught me unconditional love. trust me i know they love me it took a couple of years and a lot of mistakes to make up for but they never left my side i have put them through a lot more than they should have had to put up with but they did and they did it every day and their love never changed, it never went away they were always there to help me pick up the pieces.
my mom always told me i wish you could learn from my mistakes but you can't, so you'll have to make your own, but you'll always be loved thats why its called unconditional love.
and believe me i made mistakes i dont have to go into details they are in the past and im one of those people that like keeping certain memories buried, but what i will always remember is they were there when no one else was. you know friends will come and go but your family will always be there and i know that for a fact.

second ----my love devin----you know i dont believe in love at first sight, i dont believe in soul mates but i knew the moment i met dev i would never be the same. I met dev on may 15th, 2006 i know creepy i know the exact date but thats only because thats the day my work started their remodel, a few months prior to meeting dev i had broken up with someone i had been seeing on and off for over 2 years and because of that train wreck of a "thing" i swore i wouldnt be marrying let alone dating exclusively for a long time, i had also slumped into a deep depression I honestly couldnt remember how long it had been since i was truly happy, then it happened i walked into work and met him, this tall red headed kid who was happy and funny.
he was there at the pharmacy helping out over the summer to save up to go back to school in the fall so he was temporary help. he was the kind of guy i instantly wanted to impress, but i was in a slump i wasn't friendly nor as outgoing as i once was, so i tried.
he made me laugh that first day and i remember feeling so happy after i had gotten out of work even though it had been such a crappy day at work.
i found myself staying late picking up extra shifts just to see him, just to work with him. i even came in and helped set up the pharmacy over night just to be with him. and that night we got finished at 2 a.m. then went to denny's for breakfast. i know this sounds like everything is going great but there was one minor detail i have left out he had a girlfriend, yep, but if it makes you feel any better he didnt like her, yeah dev has told me that phrase so many times just to make me feel better, it didnt make me feel any better.
 soon after dev took me on our first official date, he took me out so that i would pick up a shift at work cause he didnt like the girl who's shift it was, so he offered to take me to dinner if i worked it, so i did, he took me to a thai restaurant it was okay all i remember is making a mess cause you had to eat with your hands and feeling stupid cause it was gross and sticky.
after that we became friends i saw him daily, we talked about everything he reminded me of well me, he wasnt anything like i had ever dated he was wonderful he treated me great, and for once in a long time i was happy, then it came time for him to leave to go back to school, and since we were "just friends" nothing more cause thats what he wanted he told me constantly were just friends right? and of course i agreed, he left the end of august i remember cause i took im over a box of treats and told him it was so he wouldnt forget me. i remember crying on the car ride home, silly i know i look back now and am very embarrassed, cause i cried, stupid me, but you have to remember he had become my best friend.
i talked to him every night and every other weekend he came up to work a shift and i would see him after he got off, and every so often i went down to ephraim and visited him. then in november we had decided maybe we weren't just friends he came down for break and a week later we were official and a few days after that engaged it wasnt this overly romantic or surprise actually he was holding the door open for me and said you know were going to have cute kids someday and i joked and said oh dev do you want to marry me. then later that night he said yeah i do want to marry you and so it was.
its not a romantic story but its a true story, my story and im so thankful for it, im thankful for him that every day despite what i look like or feel like when i get up he loves me he tells me how pretty i am and how happy i make him, i love that every day i will laugh at least once usually more but at least once i love that no matter how stupid or gross the joke is he knows i will love it.
i love it cause he's my best friend every day, i get to spend with him is more than i deserve.


third----dani----aka peanut i never thoughti wanted to be a mom, that sounds bad let me rephrase i never knew i wanted to be a mom then i became one, i knew dani was a girl from the moment i knew i was pregnant and i talked to her all the time i remember being pregnant and i thought she could hear my thoughts stupid i know, but i did. dont get me wrong some days its hard i get depressed, overwhelmed, and cry for no reason but then i see her and she smiles and it makes it better. she is innocent she is the best part of me i could give, the unselfish part, everyday i am amazed by her shes so smart and curious and loving. she doesnt have a bad bone in her she hasnt been tainted with the world yet and im thankful for that i remember how much it sucked being a kid i remember getting teased and i remember getting my feelings hurt and when you're young it destroys your world, and thats why im thankful she hasnt had heart ache yet, shes beautiful.
shes mine i knew it the moment i saw her i saw me in her and that scared me i never realized i could love something so instantly, i would and will do anything for her shes mine and she always will be and for that i am thankful.

peanut's first christmas

me and dev are just like kids still we love staying up late and on christmas we get up early, even though we knew what we were getting. we got peanut up at 7:30 a.m. and i carried her down the stairs to see the tree and all the gifts santa had left her eyes lit up and she did say oooo but then got hungry and fell asleep, an hour later my mom and dad and grandma came over to open presents with us. and lets face it anytime my mom and dad can they come over to see peanut the love her so much if she wasnt my baby i might be a little jealous.
all in all it was a fantastical christmas i was excited all night long to get up and just see how peanut would react. dev held her and opened her gifts for her she made it through 5 presents before she fell asleep. adorable.

at 10:30 we went to devs parents so that dev could talk to his brother who is on a mission in kentucky, it was a short phone call but i know it meant alot to dev he misses his brother alot and its weird that our lives have changed so much since he has left i was only 3 months pregnant when he left and peanut will be a year and a half when he returns crazy!

after that we came home and took naps it was a glorious christmas!

tis the season

peanut went and got pictures taken on the 15th of december they turned out adorable the photographer was fantastic with her and the place was great its called fotofly its in draper and its one of those places that as soon as i walked in i thought im not cool enough to be here, but the were so inviting and nice.

christmas is now only 3 days away and for the first time in a long time im really excited, its exciting to have a reason to do christmas, i know peanut will never remember this and she wont get to actually open gifts but i am excited its her first christmas.

peanut has also been so happy lately, not that shes not perfect, she just been extra happy, every morning she wakes up just smiling, looking around, and making noises. its adorable i do have to laugh especially when i see other peoples babies who are her age and she looks like a 1 year old not a 3 month old even the lady who took her pictures did a double take when i said shes 3 months old, but she big and beautiful and healthy thats all i need from her she loves to sit up and look at the pictures in her mickey mouse books, she lovs it when you stick out your tongue at her cause she can do that too. she is starting to like being tickled and loves beastie she likes to grab beasties fur which i feel bad and try to stop her cause i dont think it is that great for beast but beastie loves her so much she just sits there and lets her. she loves looking at the christmas tree when we turn on the lights she looks at it and says ooooh, shes also developed a fake cough and everytime she coughs me and dev go oh thats a bad cough poor baby and she smiles.
shes also sleeping through the night its wonderful she goes to bed about 9-10 p.m. and wakes up between 7:30-9 a.m. i love it so does dev. all in all shes perfect i couldn't have asked for more or better me and dev have a lot to be thankful for this year she's the best present I've ever made

a blessing and a virus

on sunday decemeber 5th peanut was blessed it was at 9:00 a.m. it was really nice to have all of our family and friends there and that everything went off without a hitch, my family came up from Fillmore and devs came from around town, i know dev was really nervous to do the blessing but he did fantastic, i had to laugh though as we were waiting for our turn t bless peanut cause there were 2 other blessings that day, i just kept telling dev health, education , love, those our what we thought was the most important for her. it was weird talking to dev about what he wanted to say i hadn't thought out loud exactly what my hopes were for peanut except that in the long run no matter what her choices are i just want her to be happy.
after the blessing everyone came over to our house to eat, it was really nice to have everyone at our house, even though it was stressful in planning and cleaning it was nice to have everyone there.

so wednesday we found out peanut has rsv it wasnt what we wanted to hear but so far shes doing good we have to do breathing treatments 3 times a day and suction out her nose consistently but as bad as all that sounds she is really happy she always has a smile and is still eating well, so hopefully we caught it early and she wont have to be hospitalized.

dani loves "the boys"

so it has now been three days that i have been back to work and even though it has been some of the busiest days at work i am glad im back, its nice to get back to a "normal" even though every minute i have to think, i think of peanut and feel guilty cause im not with her.
on mondays and fridays my mom pick her up and on thursdays i pick her up devs off tuesdays and im off wednesdays so it works out really well for us, she is babysat by melissa, who is super mom shes one of those moms who does cute projects, loves kids, and in my opinion was made to be just this super great mom, im jealous of her, she has 3 boys who are so adorable. the first night my mom picked her up she called me to let me know that she had peanut and she was so happy. my mom told me she played with the boys and she had so much fun and still even now if you look at peanut and say did you play with the boys today she gets this huge grin on her face and giggles. it melts my heart.
a weird fact is i too grew up in that house with the boys, of course that was twenty years ago but when my parents built our house the people that lived there then were "the boys". they were my best friends growing up, we are still friends to this day just now grown up with babies of our own. i so hope the same for peanut cause it was great having kids my own age to play with. 

im so thankful for melissa even today on the ride home from work i started to think back to when i was still pregnant and how worried me and dev were about what we were going to do for daycare, it has worked out better than i could have ever hoped for.